Helping Children
Cope With School Violence
Incidents of school
violence have shocked and saddened the nation, and left concerned parents
wondering how their children could be affected. This digest offers helpful
information on how to speak to your child(ren) about the violence; how to help
ease their anxieties and fears; and how to protect them from future violence.
How Will
Children Respond To A Tragedy?
With the media’s coverage
of recent acts of violence in our schools, virtually all children will be aware
of school violence. Yet how they respond will vary depending on a child’s age,
personality and maturity level. Some children, particularly those age nine and
under, may be unable to grasp the reality of the tragedy, or comprehend that
violence could affect their own lives. Others may be frightened that something
could happen to them. And still others may attempt to protect themselves through
denial, cynicism or apathy. Regardless of how your child responds, he or she
will be looking to you for answers, guidance and support.
How Can
Parents Help?
Speak to your child about
any incidents of school violence, openly and honestly, adapting your
conversations to the age of your child. Children deserve honest answers,
regardless of their age. You do not have to provide every detail, but don’t hold
back too much information either; instill trust in your child while helping him
or her understand what happened. In addition, the following tips may help:
Encourage your child to
express his or her feelings. Children usually feel better when they can talk
about their feelings. To help your child sort out his or her feelings, ask
specific questions such as "How do you feel? Does it make you feel scared? What
worries you the most?" Encourage your child to be honest and open, and listen
carefully for clues about hidden feelings or worries.
Reassure your child. Respond to your child’s feelings; acknowledge his or her
fears; and continually reassure your child that he or she is safe. Stress that
this was a rare incident, but avoid making false promises such as "Nothing like
this will ever happen to you." Instead, offer your love, support and guidance
and say things such as "I am here to protect you and to help keep you safe." In
addition, remind your child that his or her teachers and the police are also
looking out for his or her safety.
Monitor the media. Monitor and limit the amount of television your child
watches. If your child sees disturbing footage of incidents of school violence,
his or her fears and anxieties may escalate.
Speak to your child’s school administrators. Ask your child’s teachers and/or
school principal how they have addressed school violence. Many schools speak to
students about safety issues, and reassure them that they are doing everything
possible to keep the children safe.
Pay close attention to your child. If your child was involved or a witness to an
incident of violence, pay close attention to your child’s behavior. If you
notice any unusual behavior, it may be a reaction to stress, fear or trauma.
Learn how to recognize warning signs (as described in the next section) and seek
professional help from a counselor, social worker, psychologist or other
professional if necessary.
If your child expresses fear of going back to school, be sympathetic and talk to
your child about his or her anxieties—but convince your child to be brave.
Explain that it will take time for him or her to confront and gradually overcome
anxieties—and reassure him or her that you will help. In addition, speak to your
child’s teacher about your child’s anxieties, and ask him or her to provide
additional guidance, support and encouragement. If your child’s school phobia
persists for an extended period of time, consult a professional for additional
guidance and help.
Signs Of
Anxiety In Children
Children react to fear,
stress or trauma in different ways. Children that were directly involved in an
incident may suffer from severe anxiety or trauma—and will probably need
professional help. All children, however, may be affected by the violence. Here
are some signs to watch for in your child:
- Disrupted sleep
patterns—frequent nightmares and/or insomnia
- Changes in eating
habits—loss of appetite or overeating
- Decline in school
performance
- Lack of concentration
- Irritability or
prolonged depression
- Separation anxiety
- Unusual clinginess
- Regression
Remember, these symptoms
are common reactions to anxiety. However, if symptoms persist for longer than
six weeks and disrupt your child’s daily routine, seek help from a social
worker, pediatrician or psychologist. A professional can help your child deal
with his or her emotions and can provide valuable tips and guidance to parents.
In addition, ask your
employer if they offer an EAP (Employee Assistance Program). An EAP counselor
can provide counseling on a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety,
dealing with violence and more.
What Can
Parents Do To Help Prevent Violence?
Each time a violent
incidence occurs in our schools, parents want to know what they can do to
protect their children. Though it will take a concentrated nationwide effort,
the following tips may help:
- Alert your child to
stay away from children who threaten violence and to report any threats or
suspicious behaviors to school officials or to you.
- Keep the lines of
communication open. Encourage your child to come to you with any concerns,
problems or fears. In turn, ask your child questions about his or her friends,
activities and feelings.
- Clear up
misconceptions. Children frequently cite the media and their peers as their
primary sources of information about violence, yet most cannot distinguish
between dramatic images and actual dangers. For example, most children
mistakenly believe that only strangers can be dangerous. Clear up any
misconceptions and rather than simply warning against strangers, teach your
child how to detect uncomfortable situations or actions.
- Take a course in
mediation skills so you can help your child or others peacefully work out
problems and conflicts. Ask your school, police department, YMCA, or local
hospital or counseling center if any courses are offered for adults and/or
children.
Be a good role model. Do not resort to violence for any reason and continually
provide examples of non-violent solutions to problems.
Educate your child about guns and weapons and strictly forbid him or her from
using them. Remind your child that it is illegal and potentially deadly!
- If you have any guns in
your house, they should be locked away unloaded. Ammunition should be locked
away separate from all guns.
- Additionally, all gun
owners and their children should take a gun safety course.
- Work with schools and
parent organizations to offer students self-control and stress-management
courses.
- Help develop
recreational and educational programs for young people in the community, so
they will have opportunities for fun, constructive activities with adult
mentors and supervisors.
- Work with educators,
local government, law enforcement, and others in the community to solve
problems involving crime, drugs, harassment and bullying.
- Help children get
involved in volunteer activities. When children feel they are making an
important contribution, they are less likely to turn to violence.
- Teach your child to
express frustrations and anger in positive ways (as described in the next
section).
- Finally, and perhaps
most importantly, pay attention to warning signs and symptoms that may
indicate that your child—or another—is troubled. Keep an eye out for at-risk
behaviors such as: skipping school; decline in grades; change in friends;
temper tantrums; alcohol or drug use; carrying weapons, etc. These symptoms
indicate that a child needs help—and may have a tendency toward violence. Talk
to the child and/or seek help immediately.
Teach Your
Child Self-Control
To decrease violence in
our schools, parents should teach their child(ren) effective ways to deal with
anger or frustration. Ideally, parents should teach these skills from a young
age; even by age three, most children can understand non-violent ways to deal
with anger and frustration. As children grow older, self-control becomes even
more important. The following tips may help:
Teach your child to:
Respect him or herself and
others.
Avoid fighting. When angry, cool off, talk it out, or walk away.
Use words, rather than weapons, to resolve conflicts.
Never carry a knife, gun or other weapon. Not only is it against the law, but
weapons can kill.
Avoid alcohol or other drugs. Not only does it alter a person’s judgment, but
it can encourage violent behavior.
Stay away from kids who think fighting and violence is "cool."
If everyone takes a more proactive role in helping keep our children and our
schools safe, hopefully we can put an end to some of the violence that has
plagued our schools in recent years.
Helpful
Resources
The following resources
and books may provide additional information and support:
Web Sites
Safe And Drug-Free Schools
Program
http://www.ed.gov/offices/OESE/SDFS
The Safe And Drug-Free Schools Program is the federal government’s primary
vehicle for reducing drug, alcohol and tobacco use, and violence, through
education and prevention activities in our nation’s schools.
National School Safety
Center
http://www.nssc1.org
The National School Safety Center was created by presidential directive in 1984
to meet the growing need for additional training and preparation in the area of
school crime and violence prevention.
Center For The Prevention
Of School Violence
http://www.ncsu.edu/cpsv/
The Center’s public awareness campaign keeps the public informed about all
aspects of the problem of school violence as well as what can be done to solve
it.
National Alliance For Safe
Schools
http://www.safeschools.org/
This not-for-profit, training and technical assistance organization is dedicated
to the promotion of an orderly educational environment.
National School Safety And
Security Services
http://www.schoolsecurity.org/
This site provides proactive, cost-effective recommendations for preventing and
managing violence, reducing risks and liability, and improving public relations.
Suggested Reading
Everything You Need to
Know about School Violence, by Anna Kreiner. New York: Rosen Publishing
Group, 1995.
A thoughtful discussion of violence in schools, complete with examples of
incidents and suggestions for coping.
Practical School
Security: Basic Guidelines for Safe and Secure Schools, by Kenneth S. Trump.
Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press, 1997.
A thorough guide to creating and implementing a workable safety and security
plan in schools.
Safe Schools: A
Handbook for Violence Prevention, by Ronald D. Stephens. Bloomington, IN:
National Educational Service, 1995.
This book includes school safety plans to show readers how to assess school
safety and develop, implement and evaluate a comprehensive safe school plan.
Safe Schools: A
Security and Loss Prevention Plan, by James Barry Hylton. Boston:
Butterworth-Heinemann, 1996.
Drawing from his career in law enforcement and security, Hylton discusses a wide
range of security programs and measures for schools.
Violence in Schools:
Learning in Fear, by Nancy Day. Springfield, NJ: Enslow Publishers, 1996.
This book examines the increasing acts of violence committed in schools and
provides a thorough background on the causes and effects of school violence and
some possible solutions, including steps students can take to protect
themselves.
Waging Peace in Our
Schools, by Linda Lantieri, Janet Patti, Marian Wright Edelman. New York:
Ballantine Books, 1998.
These three prominent conflict-resolution activists argue that schools must
educate the heart as well as the mind. This book is a practical guide, filled
with stories, ideas and advice for using innovative techniques to create
"peaceable classrooms."
Excerpted from "A
LifeCare® Digest On Helping Children Cope With School Violence." Copyright© 2000
LifeCare.comSM All rights reserved.
This publication is for general informational purposes only and it is not
intended to provide any reader with specific authority, advice or
recommendations. Where you deem necessary, we suggest that you seek advice
regarding your particular situation from the appropriate professional.
Copyright© 2000, LifeCare.comsm
P.O. Box 2783, Westport, CT 06880.
|
Advanced Workplace
Solutions
